Grown Kids

[Kimmy]

Being a single mom with a full time job, I rely on my mother to watch my son after school. We are constantly arguing about her second guessing me. It's the same every time. She tells me she did something that might make me mad. I respond with, I TOLD you about this already... and she says, but I thought... It's a never ending circle. She won't give up her control and authority over me.. see me as a grown up.. and that's undermining what I'm trying to do with my son. I'm not asking for advice on how to handle my mom. I'm just wondering if anyone has had a turning point that let you know that you were really grown up in your parent's eyes.

[Texan]

Originally posted by Kimmy
I'm just wondering if anyone has had a turning point that let you know that you were really grown up in your parent's eyes.

Never. My father died in 1986, so I've been without him for a long time. My mother still acts like my mother. She still gives her "motherly advice" about things I don't need her input on. I love her motherly advice when I present a situation to her and want her feedback, but to tell me that I need to get to bed so I have adequate rest so I don't get sick (or some shit like that) is just too much!

For a while there, whenever she would visit, she would rearrange my furniture. :confused: I finally put an end to that.

[gypsycat]

oh boy can i relate to this. you know the inlaws in everybody loves raymond? well thats what my father is like with us. he lives next door and is always popping in telling us what to do, how to live our lives, what we need, what we don't need, what to do, what not to do, blah blah, and all this from a man who HATES anyone telling him what to do, even if its to be helpful.
when i tell him i don't need him teling me what to do, he says "well i think you do need to be told what to do". he undermines me all the time with my 9 year old son, he thinks my son can do no wrong and butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, he never sees the naughty side of him, my son knows this and is always the prefect angel when pop is around. it drives me crazy. i could tell you more but i would be here all day! i think it has to do with them retiring and having nothing to do so they just have to keep interfering in their kids lives?:what:

[Kimmy]

Damn, looks like I opened a can of worms! Surely there are some less dysfunctional families out there?! Is this something we all go through? Is it inevitable that our kids are gonna have the same conversation about us? :scary:

[RicardoHead]

For a while there, whenever she would visit, she would rearrange my furniture. :confused: I finally put an end to that.

How. Tell me how, please. Every time my mother visits she rearranges the entire kitchen to her liking. I've been looking for child-safety kitchen cabinet door locks that are also parent proof.

Other than that my folks don't butt in too much. Maybe it's because I don't have kids.

[JasmineDreamz]

I honestly can't remember a time since I've been married that my mom or dad have tried to run something in my life for me. Mom does nag me about going to the doctor when I need to which is fine. I'm good about getting the boys and my hubby to the dr, but tend to put it off for myself. If I ask her advice on something she'll give it to me, but then doesn't keep after me to actually do it. And I know she's one of the first in line, after my husband, that will support and help me. I guess she figures that hubby and I can work most of it out for ourselves. Hmm, I wonder...I'm an only kid whos mom raised her to be independent. Maybe if you have siblings it makes a difference.

[JasmineDreamz]

Originally posted by RicardoHead
How. Tell me how, please. Every time my mother visits she rearranges the entire kitchen to her liking. I've been looking for child-safety kitchen cabinet door locks that are also parent proof.

Other than that my folks don't butt in too much. Maybe it's because I don't have kids.

HeeHee, I have a suggestion. Next time you go to visit her, why don't you rearrange her kitchen. Tell her you're just returning the favor. ;)

[jillamanda]

I think Texan's right - never!!! But, I also think that subconsciously, we'll forever be daughters too. It's all to do with family position and seniority.........;)

[Barb101]

My mom has never interfered with my life. As soon as I left at 18 she was like, you're on your own daughter. Be an adult, pay your bills, stay out of trouble.......see ya! Then she got nekkid & jumped on all the furniture. :rolleyes:

[Eagle3]

Originally posted by Kimmy
... I'm just wondering if anyone has had a turning point that let you know that you were really grown up in your parent's eyes.


When my recruiter picked me up. :sure:

[Kim Possible]

I can totally understand what you are dealing with Kimmy. I adore my mother but is seems that she has these special glasses on that can only see what areas I'm 'failing' in and wants to come along and 'fix' them. It's taken some time and some good conversations with Sideout to realize that even though she can come in and try to rearange my 'life' I have the power to either let it drive me up the wall and into a huge arguement OR to maybe use her need to control to really help me. :rolleyes:
I started dropping hints or talking about things in my home or life that was bugging me. Like for inistance - my clothes washer was really bad - I hate laundry anyhow - so at that time I'd let it pile up - she attributed my lack of enthusiasm for laundry due to the poor quality of my washer - so she got me a new one. Point one for Kim. When I feel she is needing to be a little more 'helpful' I start dropping the hints and once again in her need to be helpful she will either do or buy something for me or the kids.
As for your idea of rearanging her kitchen - I say go for it. My sister and I have done that to her Linen Closets - and it was a riot. Mom's don't see their faults - just their daughters.
Have a good week!!

[bearfoot]

My mother was so cool....she was never forceful or bossy in my life...she was always there as my greatest supporter and best friend...she was always the responsible grown up while I was the adult kid.
When she was dying I brought her home to the beach with me and nursed her myself..the whole process of her illness was a gradual swap in roles....the lines of mother daughter blurred and faded till I was the mother and she was the child.
I felt like I had become a real grown up during this time..but when she died (peacefully in my arms)..I felt more like a helpless child than I ever have in my life.
OK..so not all mothers are a dream come true, but it sux so much not to have a mother somewhere around...what I wouldn't give for even a few minutes with her.
Those of you who have a mother who drives you nuts....let your sense of humour keep you sane and try to enjoy your mothers. You only get one and when she's gone it's forever.

[Kim Possible]

Thanks bearfoot - I appreciate your thoughts.