View Full Version : North vs South (Bring it on!!!)
Sister Zombie
02-28-03, 02:59 PM
One good thing when I lived up north, if it was fucking cold outside I just left the beer in the snow whenever there was a party instead of taking up space in the fucking refrigerator.
Originally posted by JDub
That's it. You're fucking next.;)
Fucking bring it on!
Originally posted by Sister Zombie
One good thing when I lived up north, if it was fucking cold outside I just left the beer in the snow whenever there was a party instead of taking up space in the fucking refrigerator.
That's what our garage is for. Besides keeping the snow and ice off our vehicles.
Originally posted by Laurie
Might be true Dub, however being in TX takes away the advantage. ;) :rolleyes: :scary:
LMAO@Laurie!!!
One of my High School buds lives in Texas. He said if I ever wanted to fucking visit the easiest way to get there was to go west til I smelled shit and then south until I stepped in it!
:hehe: :Poke: :!:
O-fucking-K. I guess my work's cut out for me. :fbomb: I'll be thinkin' about y'all while I'm sippin' tequila outside watching the sailboats go by. ;)
Originally posted by eagle3
LMAO@Laurie!!!
One of my High School buds lives in Texas. He said if I ever wanted to fucking visit the easiest way to get there was to go west til I smelled shit and then south until I stepped in it!
:hehe: :Poke: :!:
LMAO!! *ducks*
shotglass
02-28-03, 03:49 PM
Q: What fuckin phrase is most often heard in Texas on a fuckin Saturday night?
A: Get the fuck off of me Dad, yer crushin my fuckin smokes!
evereno
02-28-03, 03:54 PM
That is fuckin funny :hehe:
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh man, my ribs are hurtin'......
DOG PILE ON TEXASS!!!!!
:hehe: :Poke: http://bushwhacked.net/forum/images/smilies/34.gif
STIBROKER
02-28-03, 07:05 PM
One day a New Yorker stopped in the little West Texas town of Rankin. When he got
out of his car the wind was blowing so hard he had to lean into the wind as he walked to
keep it from blowing him down. As he approached the street corner he spotted a local
man standing there holding onto the lamp post. He asked the local, “Does the wind blow
like this all the time?” “No sir,” was the reply, “Sometimes it changes and comes from
the other direction.”
:fbomb: Fuck y'all!!!
You might be a Yankee if....
1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
4. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
5. You don't know what a moon pie is.
6. You've never had grain alcohol.
7. You've never, ever, eaten okra.
8. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
9. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
10. You have no idea what a polecat is.
11. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
12. You don't have bangs.
13. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
14. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
15. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
16. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you'se guys," even if both of them are women.
17. You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
18. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
19. You think that more money should go to important scientific research at your university, than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
20. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
21. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
22. You don't have any hats in your closet that advertises feed stores.
23. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
24. You call binoculars opera glasses.
25. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
26. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
27. You don't know what applique is.
28. You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Don, Mary Alice,et al)
28a. You do know what "et al" means.
29. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
30. You've never been to a craft show.
31. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
32. You can't do your laundry without quarters.
33. None of your fur coats are homemade.
evereno
02-28-03, 07:13 PM
"A couple of Texans got off a plane in Sydney. The one who had been there before was briefing the other one on what to expect: "They're OK, these Aussies, but you'll find they take themselves a bit too seriously sometimes, so you'll have to humor them.
"For instance, if they say that Australia is bigger than Texas, you just make out you believe 'em!"
evereno
02-28-03, 07:16 PM
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TEXAS WHEN . . .
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car . . .
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water . . .
You can say 110 degrees without fainting . . .
You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off . . .
You can make sun tea instantly . . .
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron . . .
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance . . .
Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one . . .
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets . . .
You actually burn your hand opening the car door . . .
Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter . . .
A formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go to the corner store . . .
Hot air balloons can't go (at all) . . .
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car . . .
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear, "what if I get knocked out and lay on the pavement and cook to death"?
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
http://www.gospelweb.net/intexaswhen.htm
You know your in California when...90 percent of your income goes to taxes....HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
*laughs all the way to the bank*
;)
Originally posted by JDub
You know your in California when...90 percent of your income goes to taxes....HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
*laughs all the way to the bank*
;)
You got that fucking right.:mad:
Split this off from the "Fuck You" thread since ya rednecks got it off topic... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaw!!!:rolleyes:
Buncha goobers done went an boogered up the works....:D
A few clues to being a true Texan....
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
8. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
11. Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.
12. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals, but think nothing of it.
13. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
14. You use "fix" as an auxiliary verb. Example: "Ahm fixin' to go to the store."
15. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
16. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
17. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.
19. You know what "cow tippin" and "snipe huntin" is.
20. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
21. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
22. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
23. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
24. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
25. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
26. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
27. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
28. You know if another Texan is from south, east, west, or north Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
29. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
30. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as "good gumbo weather."
31. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda or a cola or a pop-it's a Coke (or a Dr. Pepper), regardless of brand or flavor.
32. Going to Walmart is a favorite past-time known as "goin' wal-martin'."
33. You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.
34. You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread with flavored flour water (a delicacy known as "biscuits n' gravy").
35. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Texas.
Sister Zombie
02-28-03, 09:54 PM
You missed one Cuda.....
If you're ever in the south and you hear someone yell "Hey ya'll! Watch this!!", run like hell as fast as you can.
shotglass
02-28-03, 09:55 PM
If the sheriff knows your address and license plate number by heart, you might be a Texan.
Rguess21
02-28-03, 10:17 PM
Originally posted by cuda
Split this off from the "Fuck You" thread since ya rednecks got it off topic... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaw!!!:rolleyes:
Hummm, 7.5 of 1st 10 posts were up frum da nawth. (Apoligies to Sister Z if she whistles Dixie, but wasn't sure since she's a transplant. And if she's not whistlin', my apoligies to the South for addin' the extra half.)
Originally posted by JDub
You know your in California when...90 percent of your income goes to taxes....HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
The other 10% goes to the utility companies.
JBMoney
02-28-03, 11:25 PM
Originally posted by cuda
Split this off from the "Fuck You" thread since ya rednecks got it off topic... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaw!!!:rolleyes:
Wow... so there really is a moderator down here. I thought it was a rumor.
Originally posted by JBMoney
Wow... so there really is a moderator down here. I thought it was a rumor.
Don't make me ban you!
Sister Zombie
03-01-03, 08:59 AM
Originally posted by Rguess21
Hummm, 7.5 of 1st 10 posts were up frum da nawth. (Apoligies to Sister Z if she whistles Dixie, but wasn't sure since she's a transplant. And if she's not whistlin', my apoligies to the South for addin' the extra half.)
That's ok! I might be a transplant, but I still love redneck jokes!:D I guess I'm one of those 'damn yankees' because I came south and never left.
*wakes up, stretches, looks in the mirror and thinks*................boy it's nice to have all my teeth.
From Jay Leno:
"Gas prices are so high now that women in Houston are running over their husbands in car pools"
JBMoney
03-01-03, 10:24 AM
I was looking through the Null Sets back in 1999 and I found this gem, posted by yours truly...
You might be a Redneck Jedi if...
You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father ... and your uncle"
Originally posted by Sister Zombie
That's ok! I might be a transplant, but I still love redneck jokes!:D I guess I'm one of those 'damn yankees' because I came south and never left.
We call those carpetbaggers. ;)
JasmineDreamz
03-01-03, 03:01 PM
"One good thing when I lived up north...." (from Sister Z)
I didn't know there was anything good about living up north :what:
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Santa Claus lives up north...you better be quiet or he will hear you :xmas: :D
Originally posted by JasmineDreamz
"One good thing when I lived up north...." (from Sister Z)
I didn't know there was anything good about living up north :what:
*slap*
I think we just should all be glad we are in the States and not somewhere really fuckin' bad....Like say, Austraila. ;)
LMAO Laurie....I mean, yankee. ;)
Originally posted by JDub
LMAO Laurie....I mean, yankee. ;)
Keep it up, TexASS boy. ;):rolleyes:
Originally posted by Laurie
Keep it up, TexASS boy. ;):rolleyes:
Are you threatening me? :D
Wisconsin Jokes:
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wisconsin: Eat Cheese or Die or Come Cut Our Cheese
Wisconsin: Land of funny accents
Dumb Wisconsin Laws:
You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
Citizens may not murder their enemies.
Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has.
As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned.
At one time, margarine was illegal.
State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese. :(
While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license.
It is illegal to kiss on a train. :(
It is illegal to cut a woman's hair.
Car dealerships cannot sell cars on Sunday.
Kenosha:
No male is allowed to be in a state of arousal in public. :(:(
La Crosse:
It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip).
It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window.
It is illegal to play checkers in public.
You cannot "worry a squirrel."
Milwaukee:
An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless a horse is tied to the car.
It is against the law to play a flute and drums on the streets to attract attention.
If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day.
It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns.
Racine:
It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.
Women may not walk down a public street at night without being accompanied by a man.
St. Croix:
Women are not allowed to wear anything red in public.
Originally posted by JDub
La Crosse:
It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip).
Never did that on Third street, but I've "tied a few on." ;)
Originally posted by Laurie
Never did that on Third street, but I've "tied a few on." ;)
You were probably too busy "worrying the squirrels". :p
Originally posted by JDub
You were probably too busy "worrying the squirrels". :p
Probably not as busy as you were. Trying to figure out how to stand and drink beer at the same time. ;)
:rolleyes:
You might be from Wisconsin if...
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
You refer to the Packers as "we".
At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
You can make sense out of the words "UPNORT" and "BATREE".
Your have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
You can identify a Michigan accent.
You know what "cow-tipping" is.
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
"Down south" to you means Chicago.
Traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.
The "big three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee and PBR.
A brat is something that you eat.
You have no problems spelling "Milwaukee".
You consider Madison "exotic".
You got a passport to go to Minnesota.
Your idea of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers.
You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of PBR.
You've seen a hodag.
You used to think Deer Season was included as an official school holiday.
You know that Gotham is a real city.
You can actually pronounce and spell Oconomowoc and Menomonie.
You know what a bubbler is.
The snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
Your Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
You go out for fish fry every Friday.
You go to work in a snowsuit every morning and return home wearing shorts.
When you tell someone where you are from they say: "I thought that was part of Canada".
Bernie Brewer is your idol because he gets to dive into a giant beer mug.
Your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring, the 4th of July and Fall.
You know how to polka.
Your idea of diversity is having black, brown and white cows.
You drink "soda" and refer to your father as "pop".
Formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a BLACK baseball cap.
You tried to tap the "Worlds Largest Six Pack".
Your children describe their summer vacation our of state as a "trip to Door County".
You are unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
You go to Florida to get a tan in August.
You caught a fish in Lake Michigan that glowed in the dark.
You define the swimming season as "Labor Day Weekend".
Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You know where the city of Waunaukee is AND can pronounce it.
You can visit Luxemborg, Holland, Balgium, Denmark and Poland all in the same afternoon.
You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
You actually know what Schaeffer's Beer is and you like it.
You know what Euchre and Sheepshead are.
You have been involved in a "drive-by hay bailing".
Two words: "Leinenkugels Beer".
Your refer to stop lights as "stop & go lights".
Originally posted by JDub
:rolleyes:
You might be from Wisconsin if...
You refer to the Packers as "we".
Two words: "Leinenkugels Beer".
They are "My" Packers.
Mmmmmmm........yes.......God.......Leinie's is good brew.
Got that right on the Leinies Laurie.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Oh add another good thing about living up North... total lack of fire ants!!!
Rguess21
03-01-03, 06:06 PM
Originally posted by eagle3
Oh add another good thing about living up North... total lack of fire ants!!!
This too, could be attributed to the Polka music. :rolleyes:
Originally posted by Rguess21
This too, could be attributed to the Polka music. :rolleyes:
... or the nine month winters. ;)
shotglass
03-01-03, 06:39 PM
Be careful what you say about them sheep in Texas, you might be insultin' somebody's girlfriend.....
shotglass
03-01-03, 06:41 PM
And Kansas City barbecue is better than Texas barbecue. :Poke:
Originally posted by shotglass
Be careful what you say about them sheep in Texas, you might be insultin' somebody's girlfriend..... That's Australia, M8. ;) :p
Originally posted by shotglass
And Kansas City barbecue is better than Texas barbecue. :Poke: Only that one place. ;)
Sister Zombie
03-01-03, 07:35 PM
Originally posted by JDub
We call those carpetbaggers. ;)
A carpetbagger is somebody who just moves down here to rip off the local population with their fancy and high-falutin' ways. A damn yankee is someone who makes the south their home and gets accused by their redneck friends that they've almost lost their yankee accent and at the same time gets accused of having a 'god awful twang' from from their yankee friends. But in the end it doesn't matter because if you drink enough beer everyone sounds the same anyways! :hehe:
STIBROKER
03-01-03, 07:50 PM
Originally posted by shotglass
And Kansas City barbecue is better than Texas barbecue. :Poke:
never been to KC.......this bbq will do just fine.....
Pistol Pete
03-02-03, 01:04 AM
OK, me and JDub, and Stib to a lesser degree, give each other shit 'cuz it's fun, but I'm stickin with 'em when it comes to South over the North. We're laid back, easy goin, and don't talk so fast you can't understand a word being said. That whiny, excrutiating northeast pitch! My God! Get a langage! "Pack da cah in da yahd" That's not english! It's a wonder your relatives ever got the British out of here. The Brits couldn't talk with them so they resorted to bullets. :hehe:
Pack da ca in da yahd is Boston, not the north as a whole...we find that annoying and make fun of them too....right after we finish making fun of the Suthna's
;)
Princess PeiPei
03-03-03, 11:17 AM
I don't know. I thought the south was only good for a vacation destination. Don't know if I could take it for more than a week or two.
Dumb Texas Laws
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Abilene
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
Austin
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.
Borger
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
Dallas
It's illegal to possess realistic dildos.
El Paso
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them."
Houston
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
Galveston
It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.
Jasper
Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.
LeFors
It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.
Lubbock County
It is illegal to drive within an arm's length of alcohol - including alcohol in someone else's blood stream.
Mesquite
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Port Arthur
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
Richardson
It is now illegal to place a "for sale" sign on a car if it visible from the street.
It is illegal to do "U Turns".
San Antonio
It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
Temple
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square.
You can ride your horse in the saloon.
Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.
Texarkana
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights
DUMB CONNECTICUT LAWS
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
The marriage of imbeciles and feeble-minded persons is prohibited. (Repealed) :Poke: Dave :D
It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.
Devon
It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
Guilford
Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
Hartford
You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You may not educate dogs. It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
New Britain
It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
Southington
Silly string is banned.
Waterbury
It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
Must be nice to be able to search the web during work hours for DUMB ass state laws. ;)
Originally posted by Laurie
Must be nice to be able to search the web during work hours for DUMB ass state laws. ;)
Don't you have some post padding to do at JM, Laurie? :rolleyes:
Originally posted by JDub
DUMB CONNECTICUT LAWS
You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
I must admit, that one sucks...and requires good planning, especially for long holiday weekends.
Advice for Yankees moving to the South
1. Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it later.
2. Just because you can drive in snow and ice does not mean we can. The two days of the year it does snow, please stay home.
3. If you happen to run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of Bud will be along shortly with a tow chain. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here are you?"
7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. (For Pete)
8. Remember that Northeners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
9. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for said vehicle.
10. If you hear a Southerner yell, "Hey, y'all watch this!" Move to an area a safe distance away, because these are likely the last words he will ever say.
Originally posted by JDub
Don't you have some post padding to do at JM, Laurie? :rolleyes:
I do, but my my patient's keep interfering with my online play time. :nolike: ;)
Laurie, tie them up with duct tape and put them in the elevator shaft, how dare they take you fom us!
Rguess21
03-13-03, 05:10 PM
Originally posted by Princess PeiPei
....But can you believe this. It has been fucking freezing here, we still have a foot of snow on the ground, and while I was getting ready for work I got dive bombed by a fucking fly! :mad:
:D 80 degress & no flies, yet :cool:
shotglass
03-13-03, 06:42 PM
Here's some dumb Missouri laws:
It is illegal to have oral sex. (yeah, right...)
Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820).
It is not illegal to speed.
Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.
Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated.
Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.
Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).
Four women may not rent an apartment together. (so much for that dormcam website....)
Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.
It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.
It's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets. (Nowadays, we have the Strassenfest, where we drink beer out of buckets!)
I don't know what to call myself.. technically, I'm a Yankee.. but my blood is from the South:
1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.
2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."
3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.
6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the
neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)
8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be1 mile or 20.
9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if
only by marriage.
15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."
16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a
breakfast food.
18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want
buttermilk.
20.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends you, you could be with 2
or 10. The number doesn't matter.
21.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go on your way.
Princess PeiPei
03-19-03, 08:12 AM
I'm not from the south, but I wouldn't mind a plate of hot fried chicken and some potato salad. Or as the guys would say, “Cook me a nice meal …” you know the rest! ;)
Originally posted by Kimmy
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go on your way.
Boy, my husband sure needs to learn this one. :)
If my dad is following a little old lady prodding along at 10mph below the speed lmit, I've known him to get RIGHT on his/her ass and honk persistently until they pull over. It just so happens that I had the opportunity witness this in recent months, and I can say it's quite effective. ;)
Princess PeiPei
03-19-03, 08:50 AM
I'm sure that would be very effective. I just think it would be fun to hear my husband say "Bless her heart". :)
Barb101
03-19-03, 08:53 AM
While living in south Louisiana (Ugh) I had a 45 minute commute to work. One day a really old lady cut me off on the freeway. I flipped her off and she gave me the finger right back. I had to laugh and smile at her. Changed my mind about lil old lady drivers from then on. :cool: Bless their hearts ;)
Princess PeiPei
03-19-03, 09:18 AM
Barb, will you still be flipping people off when you have blue hair? :hehe:
Originally posted by Princess PeiPei
Barb, will you still be flipping people off when you have blue hair? :hehe:
*visualizes*
:laugh::laugh::laugh:
Originally posted by JDub
*visualizes*
:laugh::laugh::laugh:
*fires up photoshop....* ;)
Barb101
03-19-03, 09:32 AM
Originally quoted by Princess Pei Pei
Barb, will you still be flipping people off when you have blue hair? :hehe:
Blue Hair??! :scary: Gonna have to rethink my elderly wardrobe heh My Mom still does at 80, I'm pretty sure I will too ;)
Originally quoted by Eagle3
*fires up photoshop....*
*does a quick google search for potential payback ammunition* ;)
shotglass
03-19-03, 09:33 AM
Originally posted by eagle3
*fires up photoshop....* ;)
Heh heh heh...PM me, Eagle, let's collaborate.....;)
Barb101
03-19-03, 09:37 AM
Originally quoted by Shotglass
Heh heh heh...PM me, Eagle, let's collaborate..... ;)
*expands search for Marine bashing stuff now* ;) :D
shotglass
03-19-03, 10:01 AM
Originally posted by Barb101
*expands search for Marine bashing stuff now* ;) :D
I am claiming a "Support Your Troops" immunity! :scary:
Originally posted by shotglass
I am claiming a "Support Your Troops" immunity! :scary:
Looks like we need a coalition! :laugh:
Originally posted by eagle3
Looks like we need a coalition! :laugh:
Looks like we've already got one.;)
The South will rise again!!! :D
*bump* Southern people smell funny. I'm just sayin.... :shrug:
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