View Full Version : A New Strategy? Sounds good to me
But perhaps not likely. I received this email today and wanted to share.
The writer of the following piece is Kent Madin, part-owner of Boojum expeditions who leads trips to Mongolia and other far-flung places.
He wrote from Boojum Expeditions, Khovsgol Lodge Management somewhere in Mongolia.
Bomb Them with Butter!
"A military response, particularly an attack on Afghanistan, is exactly what the terrorists want. It will strengthen and swell their small but fanatical ranks.
Instead, bomb Afghanistan with butter, with rice, bread, clothing and
medicine. It will cost less than conventional arms, poses no threat of US
casualties and just might get the populace thinking that maybe the
Taliban don't have the answers. After three years of drought and
with starvation looming, let's offer the Afghani people the vision of a new
future. One that includes full stomachs.
Bomb them with information. Video players and cassettes of world leaders,
particularly Islamic leaders, condemning terrorism. Carpet the country with with magazines and newspapers showing the horror of terrorism committed by their "guest". Blitz them with laptop computers and DVD players filled with a perspective that is denied them by their
government. Saturation bombing with hope will mean that some of it
gets through. Send so much that the Taliban can't collect and hide it all.
The Taliban are telling their people to prepare for Jihad. Instead, let's give the Afghani people their first good meal in years. Seeing your family fully fed and the prospect of stability in terms of food and a future is a powerful deterrent to martyrdom. All we ask in return is that
they, as a people, agree to enter the civilized world. That includes
handing over terrorists in their midst.
In responding to terrorism we need to do something different..something unexpected..something that addresses the root of the problem. We need to
take away the well of despair, ignorance and brutality from which the
Osama bin Laden's of the world water their gardens of terror."
Kent Madin
“All we ask in return is that they, as a people, agree to enter the civilized world. That includes handing over terrorists in their midst.”?
Damn, is that all we are asking for? I feel all warm and fuzzy now. That’s it; I’m donating a box of Pop Tarts. When that widowed Afghan woman receives this manna from heaven, she will be so grateful. Once we have won her over, she will no doubt chuck one of those tasty morsels at the dome of her local Taliban hit man and this whole problem will be over. Who needs weapons when you’ve got Pop Tarts.
This reminds me of a trite conversation I overheard on the airplane yesterday. It hurt my head to listen to it.
Anyway, as much as I believe the whole world would be better off eating McDonald's and shopping at strip malls (the West's version of "civilized"), I don't think swaying thousands of years of culture to the contrary is going to happen by merely giving the people of Afghanistan three squares a day.
Although I admit I'd commit unspeakable acts for strawberry Pop Tarts with frosting and those little sugar sprinkles on top. (Toasted with a little bit of butter on top and a cup of tea with cream and sugar.....ohhhh, Pop Tart....**drooling down chin**)
*LMAO*
Let's not forget the pork n beans!!!!
We could call this the "Pop Tart Doctrine".
By the way how exactly are these people with no electricity going to play the videos we are going to send as part of the Pop Tart Doctrine?
Dumb ass! They'll just hook it up to the generator that we dropped shipped them.
JBMoney
09-26-01, 03:33 PM
http://66.70.197.89/bits/funnyshit.jpg
*ROTFLMMFAO*
What movies should we drop ship them?? I mean...Aren't we going to be giving them DVD players as part of the "Pop Tart Doctrine?"
My first choice would be.....ohhh....I better not say it.....might offend someone.....*grin*
You "might" offend somebody? I thought that was the whole point! That's why this site is so much fun! C'mon, what's the movie?
Wouldn't want to give them something like Office Space or it might scare them away from the whole "western civilization" thing.
hey this is a "holy war" right. Lets send them a movie like Dogma and really screw with their heads.
If we send them generators to plug into. Then we'll also have to send them fuel to run those generators.
Ironic isn't it, that brings us full circle. Dropping fuel out of airplanes will explode when it hits the ground and this will accomplish the same thing as bombing, but because the fuel was for their generators our intentions will be considered humanitarian. After all, for liberals its not the result of your actions, but your intention. There we go, the first humanitarian bombing raid.
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory."
Now there's a movie we could send 'em.
Nothing dispells the "well of despair, ignorance and brutality from which the
Osama bin Laden's of the world water their gardens of terror" like movies staring members of the Brat Pack, including Breakfast Club, St Elmo's Fire, and Pretty in Pink.
And who can deny the rehabilitating virtues of face paint for the Afghani children?
[This message has been edited by Freida (edited 09-27-2001).]
Okay, okay....the movie I was thinking of was.......of course, "Pearl Harbor." I was thinking of a few others, as well. Perhaps they'd get a kick out of Pulp Fiction.
Others I might want to include as part of this "Pop Tart Doctrine" would be....
Deuce Bigalow.....Erin Brokovich, and of course.....On Golden Blonde....lol (Not that I saw the last one)
JBMoney
09-27-01, 07:04 PM
pop-tart bump
Crap!!
Now I've got the craving for a pop tart.
Actually......I like Toaster Streudel's better than pop tarts. Just in case anyone gives a shit....
I think a major component of the Pop Tart Doctrine to render the Taliban inoperable should be to clone Julia Roberts a million times then parachute her in to the Taliban training camps to "entertain" them.
Instantly, their eyes would glaze over in boredom. Then the US military could simply walk in and round them up. Or maybe the Taliban would just surrendor.
Yes but we can't send them the toaster strudels. We need to feed them not pamper them. lol
They are much better than pop tarts.
Toaster Scrambles. Bacon and Sausage combo.
LOL......Let's send 'em some bran muffins. It'll show we care. Regularity, ya know?
Addition to the doctrine:
Make them watch the Brady Bunch. How American is that? lol
Well the brady bunch should incapacitate them. Of cource we could kill 2 birds with one stone and just send the remaining cast members over there and hopefully they'll kill each other off.
shotglass
09-28-01, 02:52 PM
Hell, put hours and hours of commercials on the DVDs. Along with a note:
These are the things available in the United States. These are the things that capitalism brings to its people. We want to share these things with you. Flush toilets are not evil, and you need not wipe with your hand.
Something like that ought to make them think a little. http://66.70.197.89/ubb/biggrin.gif
Sending over videos of Barney & Friends would surely give "suicidal martydom" a whole different perspective, eh?
[This message has been edited by Laurie (edited 09-28-2001).]
Pop Tart Strategic Defense:
Record that annoying laugh of Julia Roberts and play it real loud over and over and over at all of the Taliban training camps. They'll come crawling out of the caves they're hiding in, weeping and wailing and begging for mercy.
Make Julie Roberts action dolls with a pull string that plays back lines from her movies. Drop them in all enemy states for the children to play with. It would single-handedly RUIN an entire generation faster than any biological weapon.
Hang big drive-in movie screens from choppers that hover low over enemy states and play Runaway Bride or The Mexican on the screens 24/7. Within a day you'll hear a collective cry of "UNCLE!!!!" in various languages.
jettalley
09-29-01, 09:05 PM
go but if they tried to mix with the populous the afganies would probably do our job for us trying to get to the food that doesn't exist
by,
dan
JBMoney
10-01-01, 09:28 AM
Might not be too far off. Check this out:
http://www.thisislondon.com/dynamic/news/story.html?in_review_id=461169&in_review_text_id=413721
"The Americans are launching a big hearts-and-minds campaign, supported by massive food aid deliveries, to try to convince Afghans that America's fight is with Osama bin Laden and the Taliban, not with the population of Afghanistan."
Freida, I wanted to yell "uncle" just reading your post! haha
Addendum: Both the Runaway Bride and The Mexican put me to sleep, but I did enjoy watching Erin Brockavich.
Mwahahahaha (evil laugh)
Part V (or is it part IV?) of the Julia Roberts Strategic Defense against Worldwide Terrorism (JRSDWT) would be to produce a line of clothing based on the movie Eric Brockovich for the wives of Taliban members to wear. Nothing breaks down the "values" of a society faster than halter tops, push-up bras, and short shorts worn with high heels.
Of course we'd probably have to send over cases of Nair and Lady Schick razors because I assume one does not shave when cloaked from head to toe.
JB$, in reference to your post of the “This is London” article, it makes you wonder why we have to continue to employ high priced military and foreign policy planners when an expatriate tour guide operator in Mongolia (see first post of this thread) beat them to the punch. I say lets just keep supplying this guy with his maryjane and let him come up with our next move.
Does the US also plan to send over translators to read the pamphlets to the Afghani people since over 70% of them cannot read? <p>
FWIW: I was watching a report on Channel 10 last night where an ABC reporter was showing some of the refugees a magazine with pictures of the WTC attacks trying to explain to them what happened in America. None of them had even seen a magazine before. I'm sure the pamphlets will prove to be very useful...as toilet paper.
<p>
P.S. Screw this Julia Roberts thing. Send Barbara Streisand over there. And Kim Basinger movies. Also, recreate the Bob's Big Boy rocket (from Austin Powers). Imagine that thing landing in the middle of Khabul, except maybe the Big Boy could be eating an Osama sandwich.
Bomb them with butter huh? LMAO.. If their lives are so lousy... with no food, no water, no electricity... the taliban in there every damn day looting their homes etc.. then we'd be doing them a favor by dropping the bomb and ending all their miserable lives.
It was helping all these damn countries that got the US into this mess to begin with. I say we help them.. help them get to their "heaven".
Bob's Big Boy, huh? Not a bad idea.
I think I know just the ambassador to send over there. He could negotiate the surrender of Osama bin Laden. Except instead of meeting with bin Laden, he'd just leave him waiting for hours and hours, maybe even days, in the receptionist area, slowly breaking his will to continue with his campaign of hate and destruction then eventually telling him to bring him his lunch--and a cookie with some milk. "I'm thirsty!" Diet Snapple on the way.
Yes, the people of Afghanistan might decide things aren't so bad after all.
Sorry that doesn't make sense to most people. But for those of you who know, you "know."
JBMoney
10-03-01, 12:51 PM
http://66.70.197.89/ubb/wink.gif message received
"Hooked on Phonics" worked for Dan Quayle. Perhaps it could also help the Afghani people, as well. A prerequisite of sorts for the Pop Tart Doctrine. http://66.70.197.89/ubb/wink.gif
shotglass
10-07-01, 04:47 PM
http://66.70.197.89/ubb/biggrin.gif Now they went and made the Emmy Awards go away again....
Can goods seem to me to be an option it will feed the masses. Also they will work as great missiles if dropped from 30k feet.
Butterlugs
10-08-01, 11:05 PM
Amazing how prophetic your friend in Mongolia was, here we are bombing them with rations and transistor radios. Maybe we do things right sometimes, as for me, I'd send them Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Lawrence of Arabia, Easy Rider, Caddyshack and Debbie does Dallas, and 4 reruns of Kojack and Mash and Laugh-in.
WARTHOG
10-13-01, 06:02 PM
HMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts
Let's send them the movie Enola Gay, Had Patrick Duffy in it. The movie should make them think and Patrick Duffy always kinda had me wanting to put a gun barrel in my mouth. Man from Atlantis, dear god what *&$#@*&.
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