princess b
12-10-05, 07:51 PM
Originally posted by Princess B on 06.19.01 (or something like that)
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Why is my reproductive future of such great import to so many?<p>I don't recall ever wanting children. I have never changed my mind, and I am unlikely to ever do so. There is absolutely nothing about it that appeals to me. In spite of this, I find myself the constant target of rude and intrusive questions and comments from breeders. "When are you gonna have one?" "How many do you want?"<p>The shock with which my emphatic declaration of never wanting children is met is bizarre to say the very least. Breeders seem to take some sort of offense to a woman who doesn't want children. And they invariably respond in one way, one infuriating way: "You'll change your mind." They say this with such smug certainty.<p>Why is it so shocking to so many that an educated, independent, relatively successful woman would decide not to have kids? My opinion regarding the answer to that question is a harsh one: I think that so many parents (particularly of young children), deep down inside, regret their decision to have kids and can't bear to watch a blissfully childless person enjoy all their freedoms. Since they can never admit such regret to themselves or any other, they must bring everyone down with them. Misery loves company.<p>For some reason, society seems to dictate that children should be had - our government even subsidizes procreation. Many have children just because they feel that's what they are supposed to do. It seems that it never occurs to some people to just not have kids.<p>So they have them, and their lives are never the same. They find that they end up never doing so many of the things they had planned for their lives. They can't travel, spend their money on frivolities, or in any way be spontaneous or adventurous with their time. Then they inevitably meet someone who has decided not to have kids. Someone who does whatever they want, whenever they want to. Someone who can travel on a whim, stay out all night, screen their calls, and put out a doormat that says 'GO AWAY'.<p>That's when the insulting questions and comments start, "when are you gonna have kids – you'd be such a great mom" and blah blah blah.<p>I have begun to respond in an equally insulting manner. I simply ask back. "Why should I have a kid?" "Why do you have kids?" "Why did you think you'd be a good parent?" "What was so lacking in your world that you felt the need to bring a kid into it?"<p>I hear the oddest reasons for people wanting children and for wanting me to have them too.<p>Some have them to save their marriage. That's brilliant, such people don't deserve to have their marriages saved.<p>Some have them because they don't want to be alone when they are old. Sadly, having kids doesn't guarantee that they will interested in caring for an elderly parent.<p>Some have them because they want to run for office and need the kid, along with the golden retriever and sedan for the photo opportunities.<p>Some have them because they don't want their name to die out. All these people need to do is open up the phonebook or get onto the internet to realize that they are not the last person on earth with their last name.<p>It's true that many many responsible and loving couples carefully plan to have children. That's great. Have ten of them. I don't care.<p>Just leave me alone. Leave me out of it. I don't tell breeders to give their kids away or sell them or abandon them in a shopping mall so they can enjoy the kind of life I lead. Why do they feel the need to tell me that I should have kids and lead their kind of life?<p>And worse, why do they think that having their spawn shoved at me is going to change my mind? I don't want to hold your kids, have my hand grabbed and pressed against your disgustingly distended belly to feel your unborn child kick, listen to your kids screaming in restaurants or movie theatres, or in any other way be reminded that children exist near my world.
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Why is my reproductive future of such great import to so many?<p>I don't recall ever wanting children. I have never changed my mind, and I am unlikely to ever do so. There is absolutely nothing about it that appeals to me. In spite of this, I find myself the constant target of rude and intrusive questions and comments from breeders. "When are you gonna have one?" "How many do you want?"<p>The shock with which my emphatic declaration of never wanting children is met is bizarre to say the very least. Breeders seem to take some sort of offense to a woman who doesn't want children. And they invariably respond in one way, one infuriating way: "You'll change your mind." They say this with such smug certainty.<p>Why is it so shocking to so many that an educated, independent, relatively successful woman would decide not to have kids? My opinion regarding the answer to that question is a harsh one: I think that so many parents (particularly of young children), deep down inside, regret their decision to have kids and can't bear to watch a blissfully childless person enjoy all their freedoms. Since they can never admit such regret to themselves or any other, they must bring everyone down with them. Misery loves company.<p>For some reason, society seems to dictate that children should be had - our government even subsidizes procreation. Many have children just because they feel that's what they are supposed to do. It seems that it never occurs to some people to just not have kids.<p>So they have them, and their lives are never the same. They find that they end up never doing so many of the things they had planned for their lives. They can't travel, spend their money on frivolities, or in any way be spontaneous or adventurous with their time. Then they inevitably meet someone who has decided not to have kids. Someone who does whatever they want, whenever they want to. Someone who can travel on a whim, stay out all night, screen their calls, and put out a doormat that says 'GO AWAY'.<p>That's when the insulting questions and comments start, "when are you gonna have kids – you'd be such a great mom" and blah blah blah.<p>I have begun to respond in an equally insulting manner. I simply ask back. "Why should I have a kid?" "Why do you have kids?" "Why did you think you'd be a good parent?" "What was so lacking in your world that you felt the need to bring a kid into it?"<p>I hear the oddest reasons for people wanting children and for wanting me to have them too.<p>Some have them to save their marriage. That's brilliant, such people don't deserve to have their marriages saved.<p>Some have them because they don't want to be alone when they are old. Sadly, having kids doesn't guarantee that they will interested in caring for an elderly parent.<p>Some have them because they want to run for office and need the kid, along with the golden retriever and sedan for the photo opportunities.<p>Some have them because they don't want their name to die out. All these people need to do is open up the phonebook or get onto the internet to realize that they are not the last person on earth with their last name.<p>It's true that many many responsible and loving couples carefully plan to have children. That's great. Have ten of them. I don't care.<p>Just leave me alone. Leave me out of it. I don't tell breeders to give their kids away or sell them or abandon them in a shopping mall so they can enjoy the kind of life I lead. Why do they feel the need to tell me that I should have kids and lead their kind of life?<p>And worse, why do they think that having their spawn shoved at me is going to change my mind? I don't want to hold your kids, have my hand grabbed and pressed against your disgustingly distended belly to feel your unborn child kick, listen to your kids screaming in restaurants or movie theatres, or in any other way be reminded that children exist near my world.