princess b
12-10-05, 07:40 PM
Originally posted by Princess B on 10.17.01 (or something like that)
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Why I am the way I am.<p>When I was really young, I asked my mommy where I came from. My mom, like most when confronted by a child much too young to know to know the truth, was caught off guard. So, she went with the first thing that came to mind. She told me that she and my daddy found me under a rock in Long Beach. It made sense to me, so I believed it.
<p>Flash forward a year or two. I am in the grocery store with my mom. I am sitting in the little cart seat when this cute little old man comes to me and, pinching my cheeks, says "oh look at you, aren't you the cutest little thing, where did your mommy find you?"<p>My mom, having long since forgotten our conversation regarding my origins, was completely shocked to hear me answer the cute little old man with "my mommy found me under a rock!" She was probably even more surprised by the angry response from the cute little old man, who proceeded to follow her through the store telling her what a horrible mother she was and how messed up I was gonna be when I grow up.<p>One would think that this would have taught my parents some sort of lesson about dealing with questions from a little kid.<p>It didn't.<p>I asked my dad where he and my mom met. He told me that she was selling flowers on a center divider. She was filthy and poor, but he knew that she was beautiful underneath it all, so he rescued her, took her home, cleaned her up and married her. I thought it was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard.<p>The oil islands in the Long Beach Harbor (the big ones with the waterfalls and trees) house a scary child-snatching witch. I found this out when I asked my dad if these islands were Hawaii.<p>I asked my dad why the tooth fairy bought teeth and what she did with them. He told me that she grinds them up to make toilets. It made sense to me at the time.<p>I bet none of you knew that soy sauce is made out of soy bugs.<p>Did you know that every single fig newton has a little bug in it? I believed it so I actually dissected one. Couldn't find anything but a bunch of weird bug-looking seeds.<p>I was cursed with complete trust for my parents. I believed anything they told me and they knew it. I know it is common for parents to weave tales for their kids. How else do we explain Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny? My parents took this concept to great lengths. They must have done this purely for their own entertainment. I can picture their conversations at the end of each day. "Guess what I told the kid today? …..and she actually bought it!!!!<p>Now that I am an adult, I must admit that I really admire their ability to take a child's innocent trust and exploit it for their amusement. It is the only thing about having kids that sounds even remotely appealing to me – but who needs to have kids when you can perpetrate the same sort of torture on interns?<p>Every time I swear that I'm not gonna believe any more of my dad's stories or explanations, he tells me something else that makes sense – and I find myself falling for it.<p>Now he has me believing that Gephardt is an alien. He points to the man's odd shaped head and weird eyes. He shows me pictures of him in the paper and compares them to alien photos. He tells me he bets that if we checked, we would find out that Gephardt's birthday coincides with the Roswell crash. I understand that I am an adult now, and I'm not supposed to fall for my dad's stories, but it just makes so much sense to me. I mean, come one - have any of you really looked at Gephardt's picture? His eyes? Those cheekbones?"
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Why I am the way I am.<p>When I was really young, I asked my mommy where I came from. My mom, like most when confronted by a child much too young to know to know the truth, was caught off guard. So, she went with the first thing that came to mind. She told me that she and my daddy found me under a rock in Long Beach. It made sense to me, so I believed it.
<p>Flash forward a year or two. I am in the grocery store with my mom. I am sitting in the little cart seat when this cute little old man comes to me and, pinching my cheeks, says "oh look at you, aren't you the cutest little thing, where did your mommy find you?"<p>My mom, having long since forgotten our conversation regarding my origins, was completely shocked to hear me answer the cute little old man with "my mommy found me under a rock!" She was probably even more surprised by the angry response from the cute little old man, who proceeded to follow her through the store telling her what a horrible mother she was and how messed up I was gonna be when I grow up.<p>One would think that this would have taught my parents some sort of lesson about dealing with questions from a little kid.<p>It didn't.<p>I asked my dad where he and my mom met. He told me that she was selling flowers on a center divider. She was filthy and poor, but he knew that she was beautiful underneath it all, so he rescued her, took her home, cleaned her up and married her. I thought it was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard.<p>The oil islands in the Long Beach Harbor (the big ones with the waterfalls and trees) house a scary child-snatching witch. I found this out when I asked my dad if these islands were Hawaii.<p>I asked my dad why the tooth fairy bought teeth and what she did with them. He told me that she grinds them up to make toilets. It made sense to me at the time.<p>I bet none of you knew that soy sauce is made out of soy bugs.<p>Did you know that every single fig newton has a little bug in it? I believed it so I actually dissected one. Couldn't find anything but a bunch of weird bug-looking seeds.<p>I was cursed with complete trust for my parents. I believed anything they told me and they knew it. I know it is common for parents to weave tales for their kids. How else do we explain Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny? My parents took this concept to great lengths. They must have done this purely for their own entertainment. I can picture their conversations at the end of each day. "Guess what I told the kid today? …..and she actually bought it!!!!<p>Now that I am an adult, I must admit that I really admire their ability to take a child's innocent trust and exploit it for their amusement. It is the only thing about having kids that sounds even remotely appealing to me – but who needs to have kids when you can perpetrate the same sort of torture on interns?<p>Every time I swear that I'm not gonna believe any more of my dad's stories or explanations, he tells me something else that makes sense – and I find myself falling for it.<p>Now he has me believing that Gephardt is an alien. He points to the man's odd shaped head and weird eyes. He shows me pictures of him in the paper and compares them to alien photos. He tells me he bets that if we checked, we would find out that Gephardt's birthday coincides with the Roswell crash. I understand that I am an adult now, and I'm not supposed to fall for my dad's stories, but it just makes so much sense to me. I mean, come one - have any of you really looked at Gephardt's picture? His eyes? Those cheekbones?"