princess b
12-10-05, 07:27 PM
Originally posted by Princess B on 03.14.01 (or something like that)
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"I want to talk about a problem that I have struggled with my entire life. Something that many adults deal with on a daily basis. Sadly, the embarrassment and pain involved with this problem is so overwhelming that it affects the social lives and self-confidence of many who suffer from the affliction. To what, you may be asking, could I possibly be referring?<p>I fall.<p>I don't mean that I trip over stuff and stumble to the ground. I mean that there is no warning. I will be walking along, and suddenly the ground is rushing up at me. And the worst part – I don't collapse into a dainty little heap like most women. I completely splat. I end up sprawled on my face with whatever I was carrying spread in a complete shambles around me.<p>Then, the laughing starts. I can't help it. I start laughing. I end up curled up on the ground like a lunatic laughing my brains out.<p>I fall for no reason at the most inopportune moments. Never when I'm alone – only when there is an audience. The last time was in Madrid on New Year's Eve.<p>I was walking out of the restaurant and suddenly I was on the ground. The sidewalk was flat pavement. There was no reason for me to fall. But I did. Right in front of a bus loaded with people. I looked up and saw rows of faces looking out the windows at me.<p>I fall indoors and out. I fall when I'm sober more than when I'm drunk. It makes no difference what type of shoes I'm wearing, but it seems to happen more when I'm wearing a skirt. This of course must be because it makes it all the more embarrassing to sprawl on the ground when there's a chance you're gonna provide a free show to everyone watching.<p>I've fallen in airports, restaurants, and at work. I fall up stairs - rarely down. I tripped on a treadmill at the gym once and completely wiped out. That one was special because I got to watch myself in the mirror for added humiliation. I fell walking precincts with Buffy. That one hurt.<p>I usually never hurt myself in these falls, other than maybe a bruised knee. But the one time with Buffy, I blew my ankle out. This of course had to be because I had a date (which doesn't happen often) that night. When I called to say I couldn't go because I had sprained my ankle, he thought I was blowing him off with a more 90's version of "I have to wash my hair". I never heard from him again.<p>I have been a klutz my entire life. My father nicknamed me "lead-footed gazelle" when I was a kid and he stills calls me that. I drop things, knock stuff over, run into walls and stumble all the time. The falling is by far my most spectacular act. And although I laugh at it, it's mortifying. I just can't help the laughing. It's just so ridiculous for an adult to be randomly falling over nothing.<p>It isn't going to be funny forever though. At some point, falling is just dangerous. We have all known some older relative who has fallen. That's how it always starts. They fall and break their hip, which inexplicably always seems to result in pneumonia and then death.<p>I guess if my driving doesn't get me, my walking eventually will."
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"I want to talk about a problem that I have struggled with my entire life. Something that many adults deal with on a daily basis. Sadly, the embarrassment and pain involved with this problem is so overwhelming that it affects the social lives and self-confidence of many who suffer from the affliction. To what, you may be asking, could I possibly be referring?<p>I fall.<p>I don't mean that I trip over stuff and stumble to the ground. I mean that there is no warning. I will be walking along, and suddenly the ground is rushing up at me. And the worst part – I don't collapse into a dainty little heap like most women. I completely splat. I end up sprawled on my face with whatever I was carrying spread in a complete shambles around me.<p>Then, the laughing starts. I can't help it. I start laughing. I end up curled up on the ground like a lunatic laughing my brains out.<p>I fall for no reason at the most inopportune moments. Never when I'm alone – only when there is an audience. The last time was in Madrid on New Year's Eve.<p>I was walking out of the restaurant and suddenly I was on the ground. The sidewalk was flat pavement. There was no reason for me to fall. But I did. Right in front of a bus loaded with people. I looked up and saw rows of faces looking out the windows at me.<p>I fall indoors and out. I fall when I'm sober more than when I'm drunk. It makes no difference what type of shoes I'm wearing, but it seems to happen more when I'm wearing a skirt. This of course must be because it makes it all the more embarrassing to sprawl on the ground when there's a chance you're gonna provide a free show to everyone watching.<p>I've fallen in airports, restaurants, and at work. I fall up stairs - rarely down. I tripped on a treadmill at the gym once and completely wiped out. That one was special because I got to watch myself in the mirror for added humiliation. I fell walking precincts with Buffy. That one hurt.<p>I usually never hurt myself in these falls, other than maybe a bruised knee. But the one time with Buffy, I blew my ankle out. This of course had to be because I had a date (which doesn't happen often) that night. When I called to say I couldn't go because I had sprained my ankle, he thought I was blowing him off with a more 90's version of "I have to wash my hair". I never heard from him again.<p>I have been a klutz my entire life. My father nicknamed me "lead-footed gazelle" when I was a kid and he stills calls me that. I drop things, knock stuff over, run into walls and stumble all the time. The falling is by far my most spectacular act. And although I laugh at it, it's mortifying. I just can't help the laughing. It's just so ridiculous for an adult to be randomly falling over nothing.<p>It isn't going to be funny forever though. At some point, falling is just dangerous. We have all known some older relative who has fallen. That's how it always starts. They fall and break their hip, which inexplicably always seems to result in pneumonia and then death.<p>I guess if my driving doesn't get me, my walking eventually will."