Holiday Parties for work blow

[RicardoHead]

Personally I've only been to one good one ... at a wild Mexican joint in Munich. Otherwise they suck IMHO and you have to go and act like you care about all those blowhards you work with. Then there's that retarded-ass gift exchange. And if you skip it they look at you like you're a dick.

Anyway, 81% of Canada agrees with me so I guess I'm in bad company ...


Office Parties not like those you can't remember (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051209/od_nm/life_parties_dc)

It's office party time of year again, but the holiday shindigs just aren't what they used to be.

Gone are the nights of photocopying one's bare buttocks, groping interns and hauling home a gift bag full of goodies.

Instead, sensitized by sexual harassment cases, sobered by the dangers of drunk driving, solemn since September 11, 2001, saddened by Hurricane Katrina and set back by economic worries, companies are staging sedate affairs these days.

Indeed, a survey of Britons on a dating Web site showed two-thirds had kissed a colleague at a holiday office party and a third said they had sex with a boss at such a get-together.

Almost half reported having been so drunk they could not remember what they did.

LEGAL LIABILITIES

Behind much of that conscience is the threat of legal liability, be it for employees driving home drunk or bosses harassing underlings, workplace experts say.

Typical is a recent case in which Gold represented a woman at a small company whose owner made explicit sexual advances at the holiday party.

"Monday morning, the owner of the company came into her office and wanted to continue where he left off," he said. She settled a federal lawsuit out of court, he said.

A recent survey of workers in Canada showed employees perhaps did not want to party at all. Just 19 percent of respondents found company bashes enjoyable and 81 percent found them a chore.

"One question I'm always asked is whether people have to go at all. People don't feel comfortable and they'd just as soon stay home," said Pamela Bedour, founder of The Protocol School of Ontario.

Her advice?

"Go. It's one of those things. You have to put yourself out and make an effort to go and an effort to mingle," she said.

[Ojive]

I agree lets face it where did all of this concern come from anyway? Was it because you spend so much time at the work place? Or is it because the women at the job started this gift exchange crap? I don't mean it in a totally negative way but for me if I need it so bad I’ll go by it. I used to work at this place and they said we do gift exchange I said you do? We you can do it without me too. They got all pissy saying I wasn't being part of the team, I said when I'm freezing my ass off on the line for 7.5 hours every night I don't see none of yous coming and showing me any concern. I went on few other traits they had. They dropped it and that was that. And there is the current company Christmas party and summer fling and Golf classic? But I wouldn't care so much but it has all this hype, I work off site I know about 10 people in my company and I've been there 2 years. I know the admin hotties and the travel hottie my boss and the VP and the President that is it. I'd rather spend time with the hotties because they have fun all the time. They get all happy everytime I come up, I guess they enjoy my company; I just come in and get my check and go. Smile real big scratch a few times and I'm off :thumbsup: I say keep this party hoopla out of the work place. Also with today’s HR requirements on sexual harassment and things like Legal Liabilities (sorry RH our resident HR guru) I'd rather go home and do nothing than be around co-workers. My take. Now a JB Christmas party would be alright as long as we did do a gift exchange, instead we brought a new gift (toy) for a child in the community that would be nice. :)

[Ojive]

a plastic trinket from China Town
Yeah that is funny as hell that is why it isn't fun to receive some crap destined for the good will box!
Wow 8 years and Stanford, you are the pillar of staying on the job. What a fine working environment you must have :o Yeah our parties are not during work hours and they get almost max precipitation except me this year.
Dude you need to find a new job Stanford sounds like a real looser bin. I remember the Navy and there overbearing rules on parties and everyone had to show up. I'm good I'm the first one there and when everyone is filling the joint up I'm out the back door, met the requirement.

[glockmail]

I miss the ones at my old company in Upstate NY. We held it at a lake-front Inn, very old, classic victorian. It would snow every party- huge lake effect flakes. My wife and I would rent a room upstairs so we didn't have to drive, and that ended up as the after hours party spot. The next year there were so many requests for rooms that they had to move it to the only hotel in town, an historic 4-story with a restaurant and a basement bar. Those parties were awesome.

[DMS]

I gave this really cute Asian co-worker a $40+ dollar candle holder and a beautiful vase with fresh cut flower arrangement inside.
I just knew there was a story coming with a hot asian chick involved! :cool:

[Ojive]

I'm sure they are some company parties that are great. But I haven't found it yet. I could say it's personnal attitude, but I've been sobered up over 15 years and to be honest I don't like hanging out with a group of snot slingers and discuss work, golf and Jeff Gordon cheats every year. I like get togethers. I think if these parties stay within reasonable boundries then no worries, it ain't mardi gras. No beads, doen't need the drunk women :lookatme: Just everyone have some grub a few drinks, dance and go home. I know too simple, and that is why I don't attend. I like quiet times. Speaking of Lake Effects I was up in Owego/Binghamton and they get lots of snow. I go up to Lockheed Martin I'd like to have a snow mobile that would be fun.

[RicardoHead]

That one at the Mexican joint in Munich was cool. The krauts had never seen anything like it for a company function. No candles or formal shit, no spouses/partners involved, a big-ass table where we all chowed jalapeno poppers and spicy stuff, cervezas and margaritas galore, it was in a restaurant that converted to a wild Mexican bar at 10PM so there were other chicks to hit on outside co-workers, they cranked 60s rock and coastal tunes that everyone knows and loves and people were on the tables dancing and going nuts. Even got some chick on the other side of the bar to do a strip. Awesome.

The one this year at my company was a bore. I took a vote and everyone wanted to blow out early last Friday to a work-favorite local restaurant and hang for 3 hours, chow, bust each other's nads and be rude, and enjoy the time. Spouses could come. The only dissenting vote was the company president who then overrode everyone and had it scheduled for Saturday nite at some old-geezer country club that served shitty coffee and tasteless food, less you upset a geezer's sensitive stomach. Silence was golden at the place if you get the drift. I at least got to flirt with a hot waitress and had a fun chat with her after hours, plus I steered our table's conversation to the standard Xmas themes of shaved pubic hairs and porn, so all was not lost. It was funny because the wives loved the talk about shaving bushes.

[Ojive]

It was funny because the wives loved the talk about trimming bushes. Wow I do indeed need to re think my ways, I like talking about yard work. I like a well groomed bush but I find it difficult to trim so I say it ain't in my job description.

[d41]

[QUOTE=Ojive]I'm sure they are some company parties that are great. But I haven't found it yet. I could say it's personnal attitude, but I've been sobered up over 15 years

West packing on hotel 41 was the end of my drinking too (after a year of shore duty). I don't go to functions where there is a lot of drinking involved.

[brianw13a]

Ours is tonight. Gift exchange with a limit of $5 per person so I bought a small bag of dog food and a bottle of boones. This should be interesting :thumbsup:

[RicardoHead]

Dude, I've seen the Casa Guadalajara down near Old Twon, but thought it was just another Mex joint serving up burritos and tacos and shit. Never heard about the tables clearing out. I'll have to check it out.

The place in Munich I was talking about is called Pappasitos in the University district and Thursday and Saturday nites it turns into a zoo. It's related to a place called Mammasitos but that's in the stuck up boring part of town. There was also a wild Greek place in the U district where ou could get on the bar and dance with babes. Even got waitresses up there, but that was in Germany where personal injury lawsuits get tossed in the garbage, unlike this sue-happy overly legalized hellhole.

[RicardoHead]

Double click, please delete.

[brianw13a]

You dog! Funny, I like it. This is something your going to have to do a followup on and inform us all how it goes. Someone in our group got a stupid smashed up bag of potato chips as I had mentioned earlier. I guess it's only cool if the recipient is a jackass though.

Ok, I'm still tanked so bear with me.

The interesting part was that one of the owner's wife "stole" the dog food and the boones ended up with one of the other owners. The boone was opened and lasted about 20 minutes.

I'm not sure what to think at this point - I guess it's time to sober up and think about it!

[Pistol Pete]

We have a "Christmas lunch" (there goes my salary increase) on the 20th. 99% of these people...I'd never give the time of day. The food is usually crappy, over-priced Italian with some sort of Penzoil to dip your bread in. ("No lobster for you, peon bastards!") The guy with the purse strings: You don't know if you should order beer or whatever because he's a tea-totaler old hippy/left-wing/putz. On top of that, he's a dick. The pricks sitting near him, on purpose, order the same thing he is having. Not one of them has given me a knobber.

The conversations always suck because there is absolutely nothing new to say to people you're around everyday and, if you're next to or across from our resident pastor, (he really is a great guy) you can't be saying things like "fuck" or "shit". A few of the women have gotten a bit wild in the past, so maybe it won't be so bad.

Yes it will.

[Tabby]

Were I work there is also a "Christmas lunch", but it is no catered thing. It is more like pot luck. No gift giving or anything like that. It is ok and it is nice to do once a year. Plus, it gives me a chance to try new recipes on my co-workers. They are my guinea pigs for one day...lol But, seriously, the event ain't much, but it is better than nothing. It would be nice, however, if the company wasn't so cheap and actually did something around this time to thank their employees.

[shotglass]

Screw the party. You wanna do something for me? Take the money you would have blown on the party and pass out cash. I have to deal with the same people all year, the last thing I want to do is watch them get drunk and try to sing. I'll appreciate the cash a lot more.

I hate company Xmas parties.

[Spotter]

We are not having a company get together this year for reasons "beyond control." Cheap bastard.

[Ojive]

small bag of dog food
dibbs on the dog food.... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Hey that story was funny as hell and I don't drink, so you'll be wiping your eyes once you get sobered up. Good one :thumbsup:

Penzoil
Oh olive oil, Yeah I still ain't got used to that yet. We do that in my house, or at least the wife and kid does it.

Take the money you would have blown on the party and pass out cash.
Yeah that would be like showing some sort of feelings and being grateful for the people showing up and doing the work and dealing with management all year. No joy here.

[Kimmy]

Our Christmas party is a breakfast before work, in the sales arena. Our signed rsvp slips are used as raffle tickets and we can possibly go home with a gasoline card. Don't get me wrong, the new job is great and I love it, but...I'm not too excited about this.

[RicardoHead]

So are you saying work gives you gas?

[Kimmy]

So are you saying work gives you gas?
If and only if I'm lucky :laugh:

[glockmail]

[1]It's my downfall I guess, I'm a friggin sucker for those women and those are the only ones I notice. Asian women haven't been too good to me though.

[2]Hey Glock, yeah, if I had the opportunity to participate in a company party like what your talking about, hell yeah, I'd be there big time! That type of company party where I work is like winning the mega lottery.....in all aspects!
1. I worked at this one place as a draftsman during college that had the cutest Japenese-American girl I've ever seen. One of the drafters divorced his wife over her. Then she took him for all he had (he deserved it). :Boobies:
2. Yeah, that company was awesome- I worked there 6 years. Those were the nicest people that I've ever worked with. I still see my old boss on occasion, over ten years since I worked there. He just bought a 425HP Dodge Charger to race with on weekends- still a wild man. :cool:

[Ojive]

entire plate of olive oil with course ground pepper
Yeah they do that too. I use olive oil for cooking mainly but not for dipping my bread. Wow that Toni was a high rolling zip, hey what ever happened to Grandma? You all used to stay out all night with granny in tow as I recall! She smoked more that a coal powered factory :smokin:

[Ojive]

Grandma was like that mean ass guard dog you'd want on your side if someone was giving you trouble.
Sounds like we could use Granny about now to straighten things out with these Christmas parties that blow! Yeah I remember her and I didn't say so much, but I was leaning to the thoughts ole girl had been around the block. She knew all men were pigs it was just a matter of time for those true colors to come out. But hey you knew first hand, I was a mere guest. I say head down to Corning and wake her ass up so the party can start the right way :whip:

[RicardoHead]

We got a granny at work who decided in her old age she is a lezbo. Her GF is this enormous fat thing, but if they're happy what the hell. She's pretty cool and loves good old fashioned queer jokes. Her main goal in life is to quit, but till then she does a great job and has a fun sense of humour.

In that vein I've noticed older employees are more thankful, appreciative, and productive than their younger spoiled counterparts who are hellbent on getting ass or looking for a husband. All except this one dude who was just hired in our tech dept ... the guy is a CAD drawer who's goal in life is not chicks but food. If I had seen this dude pre-hire he'd have been out the door before he started. His weight (per his healthcare form) is 350lbs at the age of 32, mind you, and he's only been here a week and lumbers around like he's being chased by a snail. I bought a 24 oz pack of cookies at Costco for the area and they were gone within a day - note only 3 were not eaten by him. Then a vendor sent in a 5 lb assortment of Mrs. Fields goodies for Christmas and fatass chowed thru 4 lbs IN A DAY! The rest of us didn't get any and he bitched because someone hid the rest. We've now taken to hiding any Christmas goodies that float in to give the rest of us a chance at enjoying a molecule or two before fuckin' Hoover comes around windtunneling any loose crumbs he didn't suck down on the first pass.

It's fuckin incredible, but I'm hoping he has a heart attack and dies before Christmas. I know that sounds bad, but we now can't have a company function without doubling the food quantity to pack fatfuck's face. I wanted to have a company BBQ Wednesday to hopefully celebrate offing that Tookie asshole, but have now decided against it because who wants to grill just to pump it up his ass and have him stink up the men's room. May as well open his jowls off the end of a Dominos Pizza conveyor belt so when the pizzas come off the oven belt they drop where they are going to end up anyway in about 13 seconds. Gay Granny sure as hell is more courteous than fatboy any day, and a lot more fun. Glad fatboy wasn't there to spoil the Christmas party.

[RicardoHead]

Now remember, inside every fat person is a thin one trying to get out!Yeah. Something foul keeps getting out of this bastard in the can. If there's a thin person up there in that mess, I pity his scrawny crushed ass.



Now you see why I love HR responsibilities? I'm made for this shit.

[glockmail]

...350lbs at the age of 32... There's no excuse for that shit. :idiot:

[Pistol Pete]

Now remember, inside every fat person is a thin one trying to get out!

And as Lyndon Johnson said, "Inside every Vietnamese, is an American trying to get out."

[Ether_Elemental]

I've never been to an office party but i'll be having my first one here in 4 days. The major saving graces for this one is that its early, near, NOT in the office, and short; 2-4PM at a Marie Callender's. Theres not a whole lot of people that work here at the Marriot, so we're a pretty tight-knit group and we all get along well. So i guess on the whole it should be pretty ok. if not i leave for home thats 3 minutes away. oh yeah and as far as i know, theres not going to be any kind of gift exchange either! :thumbsup: the only work i'm going to have to do is think up all of the pies i'm fixin to eat, which'll only take up about 5 seconds of thought, though i don't know how much i'll be able to pack away. at 6'1 170 lbs, so i think i may be able to manage 3 or so slices.

[Ojive]

he's being chased by a snail
What a ball of fire. I hope you never have a real fire in your building he might get stuck in the emergency exit.
Hoover comes around wind tunneling any loose crumbs he didn't suck down on the first pass.
RH, I have a fix for ole hunger boy. Make about a dozen "special" chocolate chip cookies with that extra fiber agent called exlax! Leave them out in his cube or someplace where it is readily assessable! Yeah that skinny fella might just get released in the can, but I bet suck tard will think next time about scarfing on the goods.
We got a granny at work
My mother still works and she bitches about those lazy workers. I can see it they had a different type of work ethic. Not to say I'm a pillar of what the American worker; because I'm not. But I do try and keep the customer happy. You all will miss granny and her twisted sense of humor.

[glockmail]

... Make about a dozen "special" chocolate chip cookies with that extra fiber agent called exlax! ..... That's a classic, and should work to deter the human vacuum in the future.

A refinement of the idea: Make 2/3 of these without the ex-lax, and place these on the top two of three layers. Then you can pass them around and everyone else can have one. Then just leave Jabba-the-Hut up to his devices.

While Porker-boy is scarfing down the bottom layer, put some clear saran wrap over the rim of his favorite toilet, below the seat. When he runs in to explode, he'll get one hell of a surprise. :laugh: :evil:

[Ojive]

When he runs in to explode, he'll get one hell of a surprise
Can you say mutiny in the janitorial department? :laugh:

[RicardoHead]

Okay, here's the latest on fatass:
As you know we get Christmas candies and food in here at the office and this pig scarfs off anything caked in sugar. So this box of See's comes in (12 oz or 1 lb, didn't check) and fatfuck proceeds to plow piece after piece up his pie-hole, and being the inconsiderate ass he is he leaves all those brown candy foils in the box and all over. After 10 minutes of digestion he's sniffing thru the box again and eating more and making a mess, so I went outside and picked up a bunch of dirty mossy rocks from the landscape, go over to the box, put them in the empty candy foils, arrange them nicely amongst the few remaining candies, and pop the lid back on.

Fatfuck meanders on back over, opens the box, literally sorts thru the rocks on a hunt for chocolate molecules, eats more chocolate, and goes back to sitting at his desk waiting for the next box of chow. He returns 2 more times to sift thu rocks, is literally fingering up the sprinkles that are almost certainly intermixed with dirt and fertilizer stuck to the rocks, and licks his fingers, sticking them of course back in the box after licking them.

This dude is a sick disgusting fucker whom I have to work on firing. As I type he is literally drooling over a container of mini-muffins that someone brought in. The only good thing is that after he goes near the food no one has the appetite to touch it so none of us will gain over the holidays. I often think that being digusting over public food is a fat person's way of reserving it all for themselves, because nobody is going to want any after their grubby dirty drooly spit-ridden digits have contaminated the buffet.

[Ether_Elemental]

he didn't actually eat any of the rocks huh? that'd make for one helluva story. my company get-together last week wasn't bad at all. hell i got free food and pie and didn't have to mix too much with the people there. conversatio0n wasn't too bad either, me and my boss share quite a few interests. so overall it was a good time.

[bodean]

Ours was a pretty good feast for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanksgiving was turkey with all of the trimmings. Christmas was a huge porterhouse steak with all of the sides that you can imagine. Everything from baked beens to texas toast. It was catered for Thanksgiving and Home cooked for Christmas. No alcohol though, as we were still on company property. But, a good time was had by all. :thumbsup:

[BCP]

I dunno, this year's experience looks kinda like if John Hughes directed a black comedy.

Fairly pedestrian, mingling party but with *awesome* catered food at the head muckamuck's residence w/ ocean view. I got (IMHO) some of the best gifts out of the gift exchange (DVDs), but the entire thing winds down @ 10:30 so I'm like "I'm heading to Seattle." One of the other two only non-married coworkers and his girl decided they wanted to come up, I offered to be the designated driver, which was cool, on the way up my coworker decided he's squeamish about my choice of clubs (fetish night) so we went to this frat joint. It's like TGI Friday's except everyone was drunk as fuck and there were four karoake rooms. So we hung out, then we got into some heated political debates (his g/f = repub, him = liberal dem, me = neolibertarian), they start having some sort of lovers' spat, fight the entire way back down the I-5, whatever. I dropped them at their SUV and cruised down Dash Point thinking "damn it feels good to be commitment-phobic."

I was cool the next week but I think he still feels awkward about it.

[RicardoHead]

It was the view we paid for, not the food.
Salty's in Seattle is the same ... good view back at the town, but absolute shit food best served to the Bob Hope crowd.

Want a good meal in Seattle at a good price? My favorite is a place called Cactus, but the town is full of good chow.

[RicardoHead]

So you admit you're part of the Bob Hope crowd then? :Poke:







Salty's food sux, man. Flavorless run-of-the-mill stuff.

[BCP]

Pfft, everyone knows the best place to eat in the greater Tacoma/Seattle area is the Taco Bus on S. Meridian in Puyallup...

If ya don't know ya betta AKS somebody.

[RicardoHead]

Something about the fat cat pic in the link reminded me of fatboy here at work


Pets losing battle of the bulge? (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060106/hl_nm/pets_obese_dc_2;_ylt=As9f2MIy7jYPcRuJZ2qnC8vmWMcF; _ylu=X3oDMTA5bGVna3NhBHNlYwNzc3JlbA--)Just like their owners, a growing number of British pets are becoming obese and face chronic illnesses such as heart complaint, diabetes and arthritis, according to research Friday.

A survey of British vets and owners showed that one in three pets, or 33 percent, were considered overweight and 38 percent of pet owners said their animals put on weight over Christmas.

Despite this, few owners plan to put their pets on a diet.

"Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period," said Frances Wright at Halifax Pet Insurance, who conducted the survey.

The survey said signs of obesity included a sagging stomach, bulging sides and a reluctance to take exercise.

About 30,000 human deaths a year in Britain are attributable to obesity, health experts say.

[brianw13a]

Ours is tonight. Gift exchange with a limit of $5 per person so I bought a small bag of dog food and a bottle of boones. This should be interesting :thumbsup:
2006 company party was last friday and I have to share this. It's kinda long so bear with me.

I have a coworker/boss that loves to argue. Even if he's wrong he'll keep right on going. Couple that with his loud voice and it makes it impossible to have a conversation in the same room. So one day in September he gets me so frustrated that I don't say anything. He walks away and leaves his coffee cup, a nice maroon Honeywell mug. I grab it and start thinking about some smart ass thing to say about it and decide that it's much better to take it back to my office and hide it in a drawer.

This worked out very well because it drove him nuts. He was looking for days and even enlisted the help of some of my other coworkers. This went on for just over a week.

In October, the company moved to another building. During the move, he and another coworker were packing and moving stuff out of the lab. I happened to get there when they made a run to the new office - low and behold another coffee cup presents itself. And this one is a really nice stainless steel Browns mug. I thought that I might be going overboard for about 30 seconds then I took that one too.

Later at the new building I was alone in the computer center and I found yet another one - this was an old crappy marathon cup but what the hell thinks I. By this time he suspects that someone is taking them so I have to lay low for a while.

At some point I noticed that he had another Honeywell mug and, to throw off suspicion, asked if he had found it(the original) - of course I knew he hadn't because by this time they were in the trunk of my car. Well I don't remember the circumstances but that one too ended up in my possesion. And after hearing some loud frustation and disgust I decided to leave it in a location that he would find in a couple of days and if I was lucky think that he had simply misplaced it. And it worked.

So enter the company picnic. The original plan was to wrap them up and put them in the gift exchange but that seemed to obvious. The pics show a pretty good image of what was received - and all anonymously, at first anyway.

Luckily I take pictures of office personnel as often as possible.

[shotglass]

:laugh: Nice work.

Our company party is a couple weeks away yet, in St. Louis. Which means I have to drive 3 hours there and 3 hours back. On a freakin' Tuesday of all nights, and I am expected to be there since I run the satellite location. Yay.

I hope they don't overcook the filet.