Pistol Pete's Blog
Things change.
There have been a lot things happening in my life lately and there have been things that have built up for years. I have tried to be strong for the family and others, whether when a friend of mine had a stroke, or my dad died, at his funeral or whatever, never crying so my friends and family would feel someone was on watch, to be strong for them. It came to a head all in one week last month and I finally had to let loose. And don't think I'm going to become some fanatic by reading below. I just need healing. I need a release.
I had a full-blown 'Come to Jesus' meeting last Thursday with a woman I worked with for 11 years, De, privately in the conferrence room of where I used to work. We had business dealings together, conversations and some jokes, but that was about it. After I quit my job last month I was compelled by God for days to seek her out for prayer. Compelled. Every day He kept prodding me to seek her out for prayer. We finally got together a week later. The prayers and talking lasted about two hours and I opened up about many things and the tears flowed. They were good tears from a broken soul. Maybe she was crying too, but I was too busy with my crying to notice. I actually enjoyed crying with her. I enjoyed it. She also opened up to me about the sadness going on in her life. She cries too, but alone. Always alone. No one should have to cry alone. She is strong and cries and I am weak and cry. She really is a good person, strong with the Lord and has the same frailties as the rest of us. We talked and prayed and talked some more. And boy, does she know how to pray and things she told me inspired me for hope. When I asked Jesus to flow through her into me, I cried like never before and it was from deep down. She is strong with the Lord and when we held hands I knew the power was there. When my tears hit her hands I felt the love move through her to me. It was very special. There will be more tears, but good ones. When you open your soul the tears are always good ones.
I'm not totally healed or near it and I know I'll have to work on things myself along with the Lord, but it was a good start and I hope it won't be the only time we pray together. It's not like on TV when some preacher smacks somebody in the head and they rise up like Lazarus. It's a pardnership. God is right in the middle of this and I'm not about to question His decisions. He sent me to De. Not to my wife, not to someone else, but to her. All of this has been a defining moment in my life.
And God isn't finished with me, He has the next step in motion. I asked De to stand with me and be my main witness as I testify and pour out my tattered soul before her entire church and to God and I know she will do it. That's something else I feel compelled to do just like I was seeking her out for prayer. I believe in the Trinity, not religion because those have been created by people. God is not a religion and she agreed. I told her I was ready to stand with her if we couldn't get together, but I'm going to do it anyway. This is all new to me and it has come to this. And you know what? I like it. Not the crying, but the direction I'm being led. Desparation does things to people. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. This is good. This is very good.
I have also talked with my wife and my sister and they have been a big help. I talked with my mom. I also talked with my long time ultra-friend. I called another friend and we talked. She told me about how her and her husband were spiraling into an abyss years ago. They opened up to God and are both ok now. I remember when she was very different. She changed from someone who would embarress a sailor to a most beautiful human being. I'm glad she's my friend. I have two other female friends who understand what I'm going through. I've notice there aren't any guys I can personally tell these things to, but that's fine with me. Women nurture. Guys are...guys. But I'm not macho.
I am being tried and I don't want to be left wanting. Moses was tried like iron in fire. I don't want things to go that far. Thanks for any prayers. I need them and I'll get better. And pray for De so her loneliness is taken care of. How can I go wrong with God and friends? I have never denied God, I just didn't let him be part of my daily life. He sure is in it now. And you know what? De bought me a Bible! I have one, but this new one is in plain english. That is the most generous thing anyone has done for me in my life. To present me the will of God is fantastic!
Surprised at all of this? I'm just human like the rest of you.
P.S. I found out a little later it IS like getting smacked in the head. But it's a great smack of Devine love.
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*The outpouring from people there has been great! I talked with three of them today on the phone and it was wonderful.
They also don't have anyone to finish some projects I was designing.
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